too many aesthetics (at once)

i’m a living moodboard, existing in every era at once.

what do i mean

i consider myself an aesthetic shapeshifter.

my style doesn’t just change—it shifts, constantly. sometimes multiple times in a single day. i’ll wake up wanting soft, pink, delicate—and by the afternoon i’m drawn to something darker, moodier, a little more undone. by night, it’s something else entirely.

i’ve tried to figure out why.

i don’t think it’s confusion.i think it’s just that i love everything.

every version. every mood. every aesthetic that exists somewhere in the world—I can find a piece of myself in it.

one minute it’s musical theatre, dramatic and emotional and loud in the best way the next it’s something completely different—sharp, intense, almost chaotic.

the jump shouldn’t make sense, but to me, it does.

maybe i’m a little crazy. honestly, probably a little.

but i don’t think that’s a bad thing.

sometimes i wonder if this is just what being young feels like—like i’m still figuring out my taste, still searching for something that sticks. like one day i’ll “settle” into a style and everything will suddenly make sense.

but the more i think about it, the less i believe that.

because every time i try to imagine choosing just one version of myself, it feels wrong. too small. too limiting.

i’ve been living in my apartment for two years, and it’s still not fully decorated. not because i don’t care—but because i care too much. i can’t commit to one aesthetic long enough to build a space around it.

and i hate that, a little.

because i love art. i love spaces that feel intentional, expressive, alive. i want that for myself. i want to walk into a room and feel like it reflects me.

but which version?

the soft one? the dark one? the playful one? the cinematic one?

they’re all me.

and maybe that’s the answer i’ve been avoiding.

maybe i’m not someone who’s meant to have one style.maybe i’m not unfinished or undecided or “not there yet.”

maybe i’m just—

a living moodboard. a collection of influences, phases, and feelings.

someone who exists in every era at once.

an aesthetic shapeshifter.

and maybe instead of trying to narrow that down, i’m supposed to build a life that makes room for all of it.

graphic design made to encapsulate my feelings in this entry.